Maybe Undeserving
by Izarin
Summary: A wedding's a happy occasion, right? Shizuo/fem!Izaya angst/fluff


AN:/ I tried to write something sad. I couldn't do it.

* * *

"I don't think she's coming out, Shizuo."

"Yeah…"

_I don't understand. We love each other, don't we? That's why we agreed to get married in the first place. _

"Shizuo…" A hand placed itself on his shoulder, but he didn't budge. He kind of just looked down, although his gaze focused on Akane, who was looking back at him with sadness in her eyes. She didn't know what to do with the rings.

"Shizuo…" The same voice interrupted his train of thought again, and he finally looked over. "I can go find her if you want – I can talk to her."

"No." He gave a stern answer, "That's thoughtful of you, but I don't want anybody to pressure her. Thanks, Shinra."

_I don't want anybody to pressure her, because what if I pressured her into doing this with me?_

"Shizu-nii," Tugging on his jacket, Akane held out the small boxes to him. "I hope she still marries you."

He felt a pang of sorrow in his chest, especially at that. But he smiled regardless, bending down to pet her hair slightly. He took the boxes from her, taking a deep breath before he spoke. "Me too."

He decided to turn away, and although he wanted to avoid looking at everything that was going on. But that was damn near impossible. It was a near catastrophe.

Only close family and friends were invited. Shizuo's mother and father looked upset, as did his brother, but looking back at his fiancée's family. They seemed more devastated than anybody else at this occasion. Her mother was crying, being comforted by her daughters, and her father was standing off to the side, smoking while he faced away from the crowd, like he didn't want to look anybody in the eye.

Their friends, divided into brides maids and groomsmen weren't talking to each other, either, except Shinra who seemed angry more than anything else. '_How could she _do_ this to him_?!' He kept muttering. Although it was completely understandable, since Shinra and Celty helped set nearly the entire thing up.

Celty stood to the side, along with Namie, and Anri, while they watched Shinra try to figure what to _do_, since Shizuo told him not to talk to his fiancée. While Kadota had joined his friends back in the audience, although they weren't talking.

That was it, though – nobody was talking.

And nobody bothered to go back and see exactly _why_ she backed out of the wedding. Except Shinra, but Shizuo knew that he would just lecture her. And he didn't want that.

_Most of these people are here for me_.

It was almost selfish to think that, but it was absolutely true. Nobody here really _knew_ her enough to ask her what was wrong.

So it was up to him. And it took a lot of courage to come to that conclusion – to go and see the girl who left you at the alter.

"_She was standing right behind me – but as soon as I entered the room, I looked back, and she was gone_." That was Namie. Soon followed by about 30 seconds of silence, to which Namie replied. "_We should've expected this, to be honest. She likes running away_."

With that, Shizuo was gone too.

* * *

_He's gonna be really upset._

"I know."

_I hate you so much, why would you do that?! _

"I'm sorry."

_You're such a coward. You always run away. You always do this. _

"I know…"

_All he ever did was show you love, and you retaliate by doing this? You're unbelievable. _

"Ah… my dress is stained…" Looking down at the fabric, she frowned upon seeing a large, dampened area on her dress. "Crying is so stupid. Especially since I'm crying over something that's my fault."

_You deserve a ruined dress. _

_You hurt him._

_I hope you're proud_.

"And now I'm talking to myself… ahah. I'm sorry." A few more tears escaped her eyes, "He was the only one who loved me but now I ruined it, didn't I?"

It wasn't like she _didn't_ want to marry him. That was the thing – she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. But she was too much of a coward. There was just so many people out there – all watching. They all had such high expectations for her – and she didn't know if she'd be able to deliver.

So she decided to bail completely.

But she regretted it.

"If I don't want him to leave me, then why did _I_ leave _him_?"

"Because you got scared – it happens, Izaya."

She gasped, straightening her posture as she turned around to find Shizuo standing in the doorway of the vanity room. Perhaps she should've found a better hiding spot – even if she wasn't expecting it to be Shizuo who was going to be the one to find her and drag her out to the ceremony in order to apologize.

"Y-You… You have every right to hate me…"

"I don't hate you."

"But you're mad…"

Shizuo chuckled, shrugging his shoulders back. He sighed, and approached her, "Well, yeah a little." He dragged the stool that had been underneath the mirror, and placed it in front of the couch. "Not all of it's at you, though. I'm kinda mad at myself, if my assumptions are right."

Izaya frowned, sinking further into the couch, clutching at her dress. Staring down at her hands, she shrugged. "None of this is against you."

"That's fine. Although I'd understand if it was." He replied, "I wouldn't force you to do this if you didn't want to, Izaya. You could've told me no."

Eyes widening slightly, Izaya jumped a little bit in her seat, "N-No! It's not that! I… I really want to marry you. I wanted to wake up in the morning… and see you by my side… and when we'd intertwine our hands we'd see our rings…" She found herself blushing, looking down and away from her would-be husband. "But I got scared. I want to marry you but I chickened out…"

He frowned at that, leaning forward, reaching out for Izaya's hand. "What made you scared?"

"Everyone else." She answered, "I… I know nobody else thinks that I deserve you."

There it was. Shizuo knew that everyone else thought that too. And he wasn't about to lie to his fiancé's face, and tell them that they all loved her. That was probably cruel, but his friends were rather cruel in thinking so terribly of Izaya.

"You've done some pretty bad things in the past." He muttered, "And I know you don't regret them."

"S-Shizuo, I…"

"But you're not like that anymore. You've changed … a lot, for the better." Shizuo looked down, admiring Izaya's hand in his own. "But I still wouldn't want you to take back everything you've done – because it happens for a reason, right?"

Izaya still looked somewhat ashamed of herself.

"But I've done some bad things in the past too. I've changed a lot too. And I can't think of a single reason why everyone in the other room was able to forgive me, but unable to forgive you." He said, "And they're going to learn that their attitudes are really… nn, immature."

"Immature…"

"Yes. But they also have to realize that you make me really happy. So… they've gotta get over themselves and start to like you, even if it's just for me. 'Cause you're really great. And you're going to make a wonderful wife."

This time, Izaya smiled. Not all the way, but there was a smile there. She nodded, shrugging her shoulders slightly.

"I still want to marry you."

"Good, because I still wanna marry you too."

"Even if they're not happy with it."

"Then what are we waiting for?"

Izaya giggled slightly, despite the tears still running down her cheeks. She opened her arms, and slowly, and gently wrapped them around her fiancé, burying her face into his shoulder.

"I'm selfish. I wouldn't let you go no matter what they'd tell me to do."

"Then we really are the perfect couple, aren't we?"


End file.
